We stay in a world where people are self-centered, egocentric, self-absorbed and self-indulgent.A couple of decades ago people use to value relationships. Let us go a little into flashback mode. I have never seen my parents fights getting on till the next hour forget next day. They use to never scream and fight, unlike these days we do. It was a set rule in our house that we should go to bed leaving all our grudges behind irrespective of who is at fault both should apologize to each other and trust me it worked.
Why is it so difficult to apologize? Is it really tough? I thought it’s the best way to make things normal again. It is just like keyword “UNDO” then why it is so difficult?
Today’s story is about mother and daughter’s relationship. When I was 22 I was working in a bank Monday to Friday 9 to 5.30. But never left office by 5.30. I use to reach home by 8 – 8.30pm. After that, I had no energy left to do any other task. I had never entered kitchen since there was no time during the weekdays and weekends I use to hangout with friends, shopping etc. My Mom always wanted us to be independent. This went on for another year.
After that, the so called society started pressurizing my parents for getting me hooked up that’s marriage. Then my Mom realized that I need to learn cooking and household chores too. So we had decided that on weekends I will take the charge. My Mom is a perfectionist and wanted me to be the same. I learned many dishes from her and the most awful thing to do was clear up the mess after cooking. I was pretty enjoying as well as she happily mentoring. Everyday is not a Sunday and then one day while cooking she criticized me for every small thing because she wanted me to learn the way she did which really annoyed me. In an unpleasant voice, I said “Stop comparing yourself to me” and I left from there. I sat in the room and I cried a lot for 2 reasons: 1.Because of negative comments of my mom. 2. Because I lost my temper.
After a couple of hours, she came inside my room and told me to come for lunch. She pretended to be fine, but she was not, I could feel it, she was hurt. I Told her I was not hungry. She insisted that I should have lunch. Further without any discussion, I went ahead. She was as usual, offering me and forcing me to have whatever I like. I was dying of guilt. I went in the room to sleep. Somehow couldn’t sleep, there was a strange feeling of discomfort, guilt, I don’t know what was it.
My inner voice told me “I need to talk”. I thought for a couple of minutes. I knew it was my fault. But something stopped me from apologizing. What was that? My big fat ego. So I was satisfying my ego. But even after that, I was not happy, that means something is going wrong. Then with great efforts and courage, I decided to go and talk to my mom. I went in her room, she too was trying to sleep, but couldn’t I guess.
In a very low tone, I said "Mama" She immediately woke up and sat. I sat next to her and couldn’t still say anything again My Big FAT EGO!. My Mom understood why I was there. She stared at me, gave me a warm hug and then the tears rolled out and finally articulated "SORRY MOM, I LOVE YOU". I was extremely embarrassed for my behavior and was speechless. I couldn’t let her go off my arms. That guilt was killing me and I couldn’t stop crying. It is really difficult to overcome the feeling of a guilt.
We choose our ego over our relationships and at the end, it is our loss. We fail to retain an important person in our life for a silly reason. It takes ages to build a strong relation and not even a minute to break it. We need to follow the rule “LET GO”. It is not easy but once you start practicing this rule you will attain inner peace which will make you follow the rule over and over again.
I have seen even kids refrain themselves from using these golden words (PLEASE SORRY THANK YOU). What is stopping them from using it? Apparently, the environment OR the parents too do not practice these words. With kids, it is always the preach and practice which works. They will never follow your preachings if you are not following it. They are very smart in imitating. Ego is your enemy. It only destroys you, so leave it before it is too late.
Practical :
1. Take the first step in a difficult situation to use any of the golden words. Try out, You will definitely come out as a better human.
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